Apply What's Taught

She's gone, that's a fact. But she taught me how to keep living, how not to give up, and to keep going through all the shit life throws at you. 
She taught me that I'm strong enough to get through it, that I'll be okay. 

I learned that from the best teacher ever, who lead by example. I miss her every day, especially today. She was my sister, my friend and even my parents, and I miss her so much.

Search for Daylight.

The worst part is the sudden reminders that she's not here, that I’m facing all this on my own with my tiny flashlight trying to go forward in this dark world instead of hiding behind a wall.
I was walking with her. I was walking beside her with our two flashlights in the dark making the world much less dark, but then the next moment she was gone, and the world became dark again.

Not Enough.

May 5, 2016

I’m running to you, trying to get to you before the inevitable happens. I can’t run fast enough, I won’t make it but I keep trying.

Just as I get there you die. It happens every time. Every time I get there you’re just lying there, lifeless.

I never make it to you. You always die just before I get there.

Every time I dream this, it never ends well.

Trapped on the Inside

It’s late and I’m walking down a dark and empty street.

Alone.

It’s beginning to rain, the thunder is rolling off in the distance, but I just keep walking. Then I hear it, the footsteps. They’re rushed, and behind me, coming closer.

I turn around, and face the person behind me, but there’s nothing there. I slowly exhale, taking in my surroundings again; dark, cool, rain, silence. I turn around and carry on walking back to the outskirts of the city.

Tap tap tap.

Looking right, there’s people huddling in the alleyway, look left, fencing. Sploosh, sploosh, sploosh, footsteps approaching me, going through the puddles. I stop and turn, nothing, again.

Laughing silently, I turn around and carry on. Walking further into the darkness, away from the city lights, escaping everything.

“HELP ME!”

The Art of Nothing.

Running in all directions, the screaming that felt so distant in my head but instead it was right in front of me. There’s nowhere to turn, there’s nowhere to run. One by one, we’re all going down.

Going down.

Fading away.

Becoming nothing.

The reality is this, this is my reality. Look around, nobody is going to make it. We’re all going to fade away into nothing trying to become something.

After Dark

It was around 8p.m., and I was just going back inside the work from filling up a customer’s car up with gas, and the man who owned the car was following me into the store. As I was just about to step up into the entryway he took his moment of opportunity and shoved me into the corner.

“You’re pretty.” He said with a smile.

“Sir-.”

He put his hand over my mouth, and stared at me with such intensity in his eyes that I will never forget. I stared back at his piercing blue eyes, and took in his features; the wrinkles on his face, the white face scruff, and the smell of alcohol and cologne that mixed terribly.

“You’re so beautiful, and your eyes are so pretty, and you’re native… But I love your eyes.”

“mmpf!” I bit his pinky finger.

“Nice try, pretty face.” He said with a smirk as he kissed my cheek.